NEWSFLASH: All other drivers are wrong, except you

New research has shown that every driver on the road – except you – is a blubbering moron.

Early last night the Centre of Thinking released new research that found that every driver, except yourself, is a half-witted, cock-handed idiot born to annoy you as you drive.

When everyone else steps into their motor vehicle the fumes of the engine or the sheer thrill of power that comes from operating heavy machinery, boils their brain temporarily, causing them to become either an angry psychopath on a tight deadline or the very embodiment of a terrified dog driving a car. Luckily, this doesn’t apply to you so you can happily chug away.”

“I’m confused,” commented Bryan Smith, a local driver. “I consider myself one of the best drivers around especially when I pull away slightly quicker than a stranger at the traffic lights. Does this mean everyone else considers me an unofficially certified arsehole?”

This and similar comments have highlighted the paradox of the new research. Now many are unsure if they are shite or not shite.

“When you step into your car and close the door you are the best driver that has ever existed, however, every car driver outside your car considers you a terrible human being they would gladly run off the road if they could ensure their own safety which is fine as you in your metal bubble think they are god awful. We call it the road rage paradox,” explained Richard Head, one of the leading scientists behind the new research.

“Many have asked me, What does this new research mean for the future of road ragers everywhere? Nothing. Just remember everyone hates your driving as much as you hate theirs.”

Disgruntled News – picnicking on the motorway

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