NEWSFLASH: Fire and moats curbing homelessness!

Building a moat or a fire around your block of flats or estate deters the homeless from sleeping there, it has emerged.

New research from the Centre of Studies has found that fires, moats and spikes deter the homeless from sleeping or congregating around the area. Many parts of London have begun implementing this new research, the most enthusiastic advocate of this research is Croydon. The mayor of Croydon admitted “We already had a fuck-off big fire surrounding the whole area and spikes in the ground so we thought, why the hell not?”

There has already been a 25% drop in homeless people around populated areas, but the local councils have reported a 70% rise in charred and drowned corpses. “It’s fine by me,” commented a local garbage man. “I just worry for the people that make Special Brew, they must be pissing their pants like most of their clientele do on a daily basis.”

Disgruntled News – from the men who brought you mortality and depression

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