Politicians without the ability to self-examine themselves have joined together to attack the UKIP Party, now commonly referred to as ‘The United Kunts Illegal Party’.
Tony Blair made a speech today, stressing the importance of remaining with the EU and listening to voter’s needs “much like a listened to the public’s woefully loud cries not to start a war with Afghanistan, I listened to the voter’s needs and then decided they were lying or didn’t know better. I can’t exactly remember why I ignored them but I do remember George Bush having a tantrum and banning me from his tree house.
“That’s why I’m proposing a politician gang war to make it easier for us to act how we always do. It will start this Monday at around 5 outside the House of Commons. We haven’t decided gang names yet but Labour bugsy ‘The Warriors’. The remaining Lib Dems will be drafted into different teams, whoever wins must accept those endangered politicians into their party and start a breeding programme to increase their numbers – they’re loyal creatures.”
Tony ended his speech by making an L with his hands, revealing a gun in his waist band which he referred to as his ‘piece’ and initiating a convoluted handshake with Ed Miliband who now refers to himself as ‘E-Mili’.