NEWSFLASH: Global Warming is a tardy bastard!

Warnings of extreme disappointment have been announced today. Global Warming has been late another year.

Global Warming promised he would be here by at least 2014 and now it looks like he’s set to not show for another year. Left-minded liberals outraged at the wait and the lack of impending doom threw away their frappuccino’s en masse, and became far-right Christian militants.

Richard Head, a local eco activist said:

“I’m done being let down, I saw the Day After Tomorrow, and the movie instilled in me a deep hatred for pollution and Jake Gyllenhaal. Well fuck that. Now I’m campaigning against gays for God, he’s promised to show up when the world ends so I’ve got plenty of time to wait.”

Even the Green Peace Movement have given up, they released a statement today declaring “If Global Warming really refuses to show, then we’ve all wasted money recycling, riding our bikes and spending hideous amounts of money on shitty solar panels. We recommend you go out, get a big land rover and drive it through a Pets at Home store. Then start a petrol fire and burn all the plastic and hamsters you can find.”

The late arrival of Global Warming has caused a vacuum of smugness that needs to be filled. A passerby commented “I was hoping the world would be submerged by water, allowing me to ride dolphins around, smugly telling everyone ‘I told you so’ but now it looks like that’s just some drug fuelled fantasy. I wish I hadn’t wasted all that money on learning to speak dolphin.”

Taken from







– Disgruntled NEWS


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