NEWSFLASH: Black tea could be black magic!

black tea

New research conducted in Britain has revealed the magical properties of black tea. 

The research took a group of depressed housewives and asked them to drink nothing but black tea for four weeks. The results highlighted a marked rise in happiness which has been entirely attributed to the tea leaves. 

“Well I was a functioning alcoholic who hated cleaning which didn’t work out as the only other distraction I had from drinking and cleaning was raising my kids and loving my husband which was enough to make the bile rise to my throat. Then I stopped drinking late into the night while berating the household items – especially the fucking hoover – and started on black tea instead. The results were amazing and I’m entirely cured of my existential crisis thanks to black tea alone – you got any tea leaves? I just need one more cup of the stuff.”

Scientists have wholeheartedly supported the research and asked anyone in deep poverty or deep depression to stick the kettle on and pour themselves a black tea.

This could be the first step towards a brighter tomorrow, at least until the Daily Mail changes its mind and wine or wistfully remembering Princess Diana becomes the next thing to cure you of whatever’s wrong with you.


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