Subways all across Britain have stopped serving pork and ham as fears over pig retribution have reached all-time highs. Many believe the removal of pork and ham is due to Muslim’s religious belief but that’s actually a lie created by the Pig Overlords in a bid to divide our community. The Daily Disgruntled can confirm that the head of Subway – personally known as the Meat Master – received a threatening memo from the Pig community, demanding they remove their dead brothers from the menu or prepare themselves for war.
Tony Blair has come to the defence of Subway, rallying against the pig “I know, categorically, that these pigs have weapons of mass destruction, I think the only way to solve this is to get Obama involved and send some teenagers with guns to every farm in Britain.”
Fatties across Britain have responded with violence, riots have broken out in every major British city as many see no hope without the choice of pork or ham in their sandwich. “I’ve lost my entire purpose in life,” commented one man as he sobbed into his salad. “Why the hell do Subway even do salads?”
The hopes of the British and Muslim community uniting against the pig threat are incredibly high, and steps have already been taken to limit the influence of pigs in mainstream society. Peppa pig has been removed from television and Miss Piggy was lynched outside her condo in L.A. this morning, Kermit has been reported missing and many believe the pig sympathiser to be dead.